


Following Orders

by chellefic



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: First Time, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-07-09
Updated: 2008-07-09
Packaged: 2017-10-29 02:27:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/314832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chellefic/pseuds/chellefic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rodney is in a mood. John is ordered to deal with it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Following Orders

**Author's Note:**

> Grrrl was in a mood. She shared a photo of Rodney in a mood. There was fic.

At 1000 John ran into a contingent of nearly a dozen scientists in the hall, Zelenka in the lead. That was puzzling enough.

Even more puzzling was the fact that they were headed toward the water purification system. John hadn't heard of a problem and no one went toward the water purification system voluntarily.

"Maintenance," Zelenka said when John asked.

John simply looked at him, and after a moment Zelenka lifted his shoulders the way he did when he was stressed, and said, "Is Rodney. He's in _mood_."

John figured it had to be one helluva mood.

Tempted as he was to head for Rodney's lab, he had a meeting with Lorne he couldn't reasonably postpone, again. Which was just as well, because the last place John needed to be when Rodney was in a mood was anywhere near him.

 

He and Lorne were 45 minutes into their meeting when Carter showed up at his office door.

"Major Lorne, could you give us a moment?" she asked, her voice was calm, but she looked like someone John wouldn't want to see looking down the barrel of a gun at him.

Not that John wanted to see anyone looking down the barrel of a gun at him.

Except in some of his more lurid fantasies, but those weren't up for discussion. Even with himself.

"Of course, ma'am," Lorne said, and left faster than he'd ever left before.

"I am going to kill him," Carter said as soon as the door slid shut. "I am going to pull his arms off-- No, his fingers. I am going to pull them off one-by-one and stuff them down his throat."

"Sounds like a plan," John said.

"Then his arms," Carter continued. "And then I'll start again at his feet, work my way up to the more vital parts."

John winced.

"I served with Jack O'Neill for nine years. And even he wasn't this annoying," Carter said, but she seemed to have relaxed a little. A very little.

John nodded sympathetically.

"Do you have any idea what his problem is?"

John shook his head.

"Find out. Find out and fix it," Carter said, turning to go.

"Yes, sir," John said to her retreating back. "Glad we could have this little chat."

 

Face Rodney when he was in a MOOD. John could do that. But first he needed supplies. Food and drink, preferably something sweet and caffeinated.

He thought about waving a white flag through the doorway, but decided that might be a little too close to waving a red cloth in front of a bull.

Instead, he just sauntered in to the lab, stopped in front of Rodney's bench, and said, "Hey."

When Rodney glared up at him, John picked up one of the mugs of coffee from the tray in his hand and took a drink, holding out the tray for Rodney to take the remaining cup.

Rodney took it and drak deeply. "Thank you. You can go now."

"I have candy."

Snapping his fingers, Rodney held out his hand.

John placed an Aero bar into it.

"You've been holding out on me," Rodney said, eyes narrowing.

Shifting his weight from one foot to the other, John forced himself to grin. "Yup."

Giving John the look that said, 'you are damned lucky I haven't asked any of my friends with guns to kill you,' Rodney tore the end of the wrapper and pushed the bar upward, where he took a large bite.

"Attractive," John said, and hopped up onto the bench with his back to Rodney. Looking away was definitely the way to go. "So what's got you in a mood?"

"I'm not in a mood."

Raising an eyebrow, John turned to look at him.

Rodney kept up the glare for about 30 seconds, then he dropped back onto his lab stool. "I woke up like this."

"Irritated, frustrated, like you wanted to take someone's head off just for sport," John said, and took a sip of his coffee.

"Exactly." Hunching his shoulders, Rodney took another bite of his Aero bar.

"You need a change of scenery."

"Yes, and how would you suggest I get that? I know; I could play video golf with you, _again_ , or let Ronon beat me up in the gym, go for a flight in a jumper, because, gee, I've never done that before. Or better yet, gate to another planet and get spears chucked at me."

"We haven't actually met anyone with spears, Rodney."

"Which just means we're due."

John couldn't argue with that logic. "You could have sex," John said, even though he knew he shouldn't.

"And with what buxom beauty do you suggest I do that, hmmm?"

"There's always your hand. I hear some good porn came in on the last Daedalus run."

"Yes, because masturbation and fake moans are precisely what I need to feel less _frustrated_."

"Good point," John said, because it was.

"I know," Rodney said, putting down his coffee and rising from his stool. "You. You could have sex with me."

"Rodney," John said, shaking his head .

Rodney walked around the bench, waggling his finger in John's direction. "No, no this is a good idea. A little handjob, nothing too intimate, I feel better. You feel better. It's perfect."

"I'm not feeling bad," John said. And he wasn't, except for the general discomfort coming from his tightening groin. The one thing more dangerous than Rodney's 'pissed off at the world face' was his 'I just had a brilliant idea' face.

Waving his hand dismissively, Rodney said, "Sex will still make you feel better."

"Rodney," John hissed, "I'm military."

"So we won't tell anyone."

It wasn't like Rodney was talking about a big romantic affair, just a handjob, simple, uncomplicated fun, the little guy on John's right shoulder said.

Uh-huh, the guy on John's left shoulder answered dubiously.

John's dick pointed out that he'd been ordered to improve Rodney's mood. Figuring that was the tie breaker, John said, "Yeah, okay, but we're not doing it here," and hopped off the bench, almost on to Rodney's toes.

Rodney jumped back.

John considered asking if Rodney had chickened out, then decided not to give him the chance to say 'yes' to that question. "Well, come on," he said, tilting his head toward the door. He took a step around Rodney and Rodney turned to walk beside him. "So, your place or mine?" John asked, throwing in an insolent grin, because if he was going to do this, then he was damn well going to enjoy it.

"Mine is closer," Rodney said, but he didn't glare. John had expected the grin to at least get him a glare. Instead, Rodney looked kind of stunned.

"You didn't think I'd say 'yes.'"

"I thought you'd at least argue with me. Point out our friendship, our need to be able to work together."

They had reached the door and John stopped walking. "But this is just a little friendly handjob, right? So those things won't be at risk."

"Right, right, of course, I just didn't expect you to see that right away."

"I'm as smart as I look," John said, and took a step toward the door, which slid open.

They didn't talk en route to Rodney's because the only thing to talk about was the obvious and they couldn't very well talk about that in the hall.

Rodney's door slid closed behind them, and Rodney turned toward John. He looked like he was about to start wringing his hands. "Well, um, where do you want to start?"

It was a good question. "We could just..." John moved his hand back and forth.

"Right," Rodney said, and undid the top button on his pants. Then he dropped his hands to his sides. "I'm not really turned on."

"Me either," John said.

"Maybe this wasn't such a good idea," Rodney said, refastening his pants.

"We could kiss," John offered.

"We could," Rodney said slowly.

"It would fix the whole arousal problem."

"Assuming you kiss well."

"I'm a little more worried about how well you kiss," John replied.

"I'll have you know that I am a very good kisser," Rodney said, pointing at John's face.

John took a step toward him. "Prove it."

"Prove," Rodney spluttered. Grabbing John 's shirt, he said, "Fine," and pressed his lips to John's.

John stared at him, eyes open.

Breaking the kiss as abruptly as he'd started it, Rodney pushed him away. "I can't believe you made me a bad kisser."

"I did not make you a bad kisser, McKay. You did that all on your own."

"You provoked me." Rodney folded his arms across his chest and tilted his chin. "I was in a mood and you provoked me."

Moving into Rodney's space until his chest was touching Rodney's folded arms, John said, "Now, you're provoking me."

"Really. And how, precisely, am I provoking you by standing here?" Rodney asked.

"You're being you," John said and kissed him.

At first it seemed like Rodney might be trying to say something, but every time he drew back John followed him and brought their lips back together until Rodney groaned and wrapped his arms around John.

That moment of surrender was all it took to get John rock hard.

Rodney kissed John like John's mouth was some kind of well and Rodney was about to die of thirst. John pressed as much of himself against Rodney as he could manage and kissed back. It went on for a long time, until John thought he might be getting a little dizzy with it.

"I think we've solved the erection problem," Rodney said, resting his head on John's shoulder.

"Yeah." John kept one arm tight around Rodney's waist and ran his other hand over Rodney's back. Having Rodney in his arms was doing strange things to his insides, but he didn't want to let go.

"I provoke you by being me?" Rodney asked, without a hint of pomposity or arrogance, and more than a touch of vulnerability.

"Yeah," John admitted, his heart pounding. It was a little too late for denial.

"Provoke as in make you want to kiss me?"

"Yeah."

"Provoke as in we should strip off our clothes and do the kissing thing all over again naked?"

"Oh, yeah."

"Provoke as in you might want more than a friendly little handjob?"

There was only one answer John could give. "Yes."

"Okay," Rodney said.

"Okay," John echoed, and Rodney kissed him again.

 

When they were naked, and John was stretched out over him rubbing their cocks together, Rodney looked up at him and said, "Hey, my mood is gone."

Congratulating himself on another successful mission, John kissed him again.

After all, he'd earned it.


End file.
